Agnosticism: We don't know whether or not shit happens.
(also:) Maybe shit happens and maybe it don't.
Atheism: Sheeit.
(also:) No shit.
Baha'i: Shit is progressive!
Buddhism: If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
(also:) If shit happens, it is not really shit.
(also:) Let shit happen.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism :Shit happens because you are BAD.
(also:) Shit happens because we deserve it.
(also:) If shit happens, you deserve it.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit Happens."
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
(also:) Shit happens because God wills it.
(also:) Shiites happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses: Only 144,000 of us will get out of this shit.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to US?
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Mormon: This shit is going to happen again.
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else.
(also:) Let shit happen to someone else.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Secular Humanism: There are valid reasons why shit happens.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Southern Baptists: Shit only happens to moderates.
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Taoism: Shit happens.
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.
Zen/ Zen Buddhism: What is the sound of shit happening?
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.