Angkor

The cicadas hum in the trees around Angkor like a thousand old IBM computers and burn a whole in the retina of my ear. Into this hole pour asparas, groupas, Shivas, Vishnus, motos, tuk-tuks, digital cameras, silk trees, orange dressed monks, legions of rice workers hidden in karmas, children on bikes three sizes to large and the shrieks of “pinaaaapplllee!” After ten days here at Angkor I am curious, weary and anxious. I cannot sort out the stimuli effectively so the chunks of experiences pile up in my inner ear like ruins waiting to be discovered by an excitable explorer with a pipe.

Angkor Wat’s main temple is at once stately, dignified, exotic and graceful. Maybe like Versailles through a Kaleidoscope. This might be why the French love Angkor, it reminds them of home. It’s not hard to imagine a constitution being written here or a document more metaphysical-one connecting man with ideas carved into stars. You know you’re somewhere powerful here, a moment of force and magic where men, the state and a fresh dose of Hinduism took off to unashamedly create myth and legend in their own time-over and over again. The walls tell their stories, the asparas still dance and the Buddhas, added later, provide contemporary access to the proceedings. At night it looks like the whole thing is ready to lift off to another planet like a space ship. And maybe it could.

Ho Chi Minh

In Hanoi a dead man is guarded by 25 stern young men wearing fluorescent green uniforms trimmed with red and gold. Their uniforms  fit their bodies like potato sacks held tight with leather belts- complete with dangling shiny black leather holsters. Ho Chi Minh is dead and lays there glowing orange and waxy in a rectangular glass case, blanket pulled up over his abdomen to keep away the chill of the grave. He doesn’t look real,  his signature beard looks pasted on. Is this man an impostor?

The mausoleum is old fashioned doubtless modernism, a gloomier version of the  Empire State Building lobby, all streaked marble and lines. Of course why would you built a doubt filled mausoleum for a great communist war hero? It’s really all too strange and surreal  to summon much reverence for this amazing 20th century figure here , he was heroic after all. Now he resides in a scene from a wonderful science fiction movie: Painfully serious  men in tacky green and white uniforms, a back lit clean marble room and an orange, dead god glowing beyond death in a glass case. Will he be here 500 years from now? Will he be moved to Detroit after some bizarre flux in civilizations? Shot into space maybe? The mausoleum room  is spacious and dark, gloomy enough for a dead person but impressive enough to know that the Vietnamese communists wanted this important man to live on. So, there Ho lies, half dead and half alive in front of two huge hammer and sickle flags.

Children file by, tourists, old communists, people wearing stupid t-shirts. Somehow we’ve all figured out how to make it through the disorganized and unhelpful maze of “No Entry” signs and sidewalks to nowhere surrounding the Ho complex and finally hand over our cameras and cell phones to gain entry to the dead man’s lair. I approached the mausoleum from the north and was shuttled around Ho’s complex by shooing hands for 40 minutes before risking it, breaking rank and sneaking into a line headed in the direction of the mausoleum. To bum rush the mausoleum it really took timing, risk and an annoyed and tired desperation-key ingredients to getting anything out of travel. I was exhausted, tired, saw a line moving, a security guard get distracted and quickly filed behind an American in USC Trojan gear, his Vietnamese wife and  their slow moving child, I imagined we formed a phalanx. What do children think when they see an old sleeping man in a glass case, in a big room with red flags and army men dressed in day-glow colors?

-Ames

Random Thoughts #19

I’ve occasionally been impressed by my ability to guesstimate what time it is.

When was the last time your chewed any Gator Aid gum?

I think a big presidential election night might be a good night to commit a crime.

I’ll bet there’s not a scientific analysis that determines how many parking lots should be put in front of a shopping plaza. It’s probably something contractors and builders think about a little bit before deciding to wing it.

Ever thought about getting your finger nails done?

It could be that Thanksgiving day is the day when most Heimlich maneuvers are performed.

Philosophy INC’s Rebel Headquarters Sale

On October 1st 2009 at 7pm Fleda A. Ring Artworks  will present MAMMA presents
Philosophy INC’s Rebel Headquarters Sale. (Google Map)

Please help ban questionable products

Please pass this letter on to your government representatives!

Dear Senator,
I was recently shopping at a local retail outlet when I came across a product for sale that gave me pause. Frankly, I was shocked to see this product for sale at our local shopping mall, a mall frequented by Americans of many ages and ethnic backgrounds. The product I am writing to you about is called ‘Fart Powder’.

I have never bought, used or seen ‘Fart Powder’ in use but it is my understanding that the intended use of this product begins by one individual surreptitiously adding the powder to the food or drink of another. After a period of time the person digesting the powder has a gastronomical reaction, farting, the result of which is intended to be humorous to the person or persons stealthy adding the ‘Fart Powder’ to the food or beverage of the intended recipient.

The retail workers where I was shopping, even the manager, were unaware of the ingredients of ‘Fart Powder’ or how it actually caused the gastronomical reaction to occur. They also seemed quite dismissive of my concerns about the product. I will tell you what I told them: This product shows a total disregarded for the health and safety of others and also encourages and teaches people how to poison each other. It actually teaches us that poisoning friends and family is somehow funny.

I hope that you will have more of an understanding than the people at the establishment called ‘Spencer’s Gifts’. And I also hope that you can appreciate my desire not to live in a country that disregards the health of others and also promotes freely available poisoning products. It is for these reasons that I intend to start a non-profit organization to ban the sale of ‘Fart Powder’. I know the economy is bad and that ‘Fart Powder’ factory workers may lose their jobs, but I think that health and safety and promoting a non-poisoning community is more important.

Thank you,

Matt Ames

Random Thoughts #17

There’s probably some great history of liquor I know nothing about.

There should be a cocktail napkin philosophy museum.

Headline: Manhole Cover Collector Also World Wrestling Champ!

There’s always some talking baby to suck you back into the meaningless vortex of the late capitalist universe.
Children laugh when dogs enter school buildings and when the over head projector misses the screen.

Bad word: Nonissue

Stupid company meeting begins with the song “These are the Days.”

Company man stresses the “AH” moment we need to strive for.

Is there a culture that made really crummy potery?

VA Heights Redux

Occasionally when my buddy Pat Greene and I talk we’ll discuss filming a little movie about VA Heights, a neighborhood in Orlando, Florida where we were neighbors. Recently we spoke about the film idea and later that day I stumbled upon some notes I’d taken when I lived in Virginia Heights. Here are a few of them and some images:

Ideas: Weather is always beautiful, French speaking, calisthenics, Philosophy INC, Mr. Ho, itinerary, political/spiritual and philosophical, cat as mascot, ‘we the people’, successful neighborhood watch, giant sloth from Pangaea,  historical dramatization, crime, conspiracy, UFOs, old piano man works on plays, neighborhood gossip, businesses ruin neighborhood, sister city, mowing lawn and waving, trains, lake, Lee, Louise, Theosophy, Chief, Alex, Gordon, Wills, Attapulgus, Allen, Jerrod, Hide Away, Henry’s, protest, folk museum, Sue, cat lady, Angel Store, Sean, Lisa, My Brother’s Keeper, Trans Photo, 7-11, society and conduct, dos and don’ts, transport, magazines, electricity, time (eastern standard), laundry, health issues, gay and lesbian, disabled, seniors, dangers and annoyances, holidays, accommodations, emergencies, entertainment.

Corny song:
“Virginia Heights….we’re reaching new heights.
On the wings of a golden egret
And a chariot full of friendliness”

Sights:
Attapulgus

Satellite

Va Heights (Polaroid)

Virginia Heights Gazette (Click for larger image)

Here’s a Flickr photo set with more images from Virginia Heights.

Notes on television

Things to do to make your television show successful.

1. Interview people with an interesting background.

2. Pause to bring an idea to attention. As in “Well, the key to this is……..investments.”

3. Have men sitting around in chairs talking about something.

4. Keep everything clean.

5.  Have daughters teach their mothers something about men.

6. Have people hitting each other.

7.  Pretend that you care about something.

8. Have people cry a lot.

America needs ice

I like ice. I like it in ice water, coffee, a tasty Margarita, green tea and even the occasional soda. It’s a comforting experience when I encounter the right kind of ice in a restaurant beverage. I guess I’ve always thought of myself as an ice connoisseur, fully capable of ascertaining the quality of ice via my intuition and knowledge of the many types of ice I’ve encountered in my life. It does help that there are so many competing types of ice: The big chunk, never cared for it, tiny barreled ice, little crunchy asteroid-like ice, that’s my favorite. You’ve got smooth, rough, holes thru the axis, honey comb like hotel ice, shattered cubed ice, cloudy ice, clear ice, shaved ice and an assortment of others.

Ice, to me, is one of the hallmarks of our empire. The more of it around, the more powerful and self assured a civilization can feel. If around every corner there’s someone churning out ice to clink in glasses of Coca-Cola or Cosmopolitans, you get the feeling that the world loves you and wants you to relax and quench that parched thirst. In old movies, when people would arrive at their apartments, they’d head straight to the bar for a drink and the first thing they’d do was reach for the ice bucket and a couple of healthy cubes. When you’re slowly shattering that cube between your teeth and pondering the complexities of mass transportation, you know you’ve arrived to a confident, modern experience.  America needs ice.

Random thoughts and notes

They always put American flags on the side of buses

There’s old ice cream in an ice box somewhere from a long ago meeting.

I think a big presidential election night might be a good night to commit a crime.

Occasionally when I approach a stranger they will ask me “How are you doing?” I’ll then say something like “I’m good how are you?”
What I find bothersome is sometimes people will answer this by saying “Fantastic!” As if there is some sense of one-ups-man ship involved in asking people how they are doing.

I’ve thought before that I could write for an in-flight magazine.

I have a joke that I tell when I’m on an airline and the plane is taxing to prepare for takeoff. After the plane taxis awhile I’ll say to the person seated next to me, “Does the pilot plan on driving us to our destination!”  Usually they’ll laugh. You’re welcome to use that joke.

I think in the future we’ll be able to attach the brain of a dolphin to a computer via a bunch of wires so that scientists can then create a dolphin philosophy of life for people to follow. People would love shit like that.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen an escalator inside a private home. But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a good idea.

I was never a fan of Funyuns, that snack product.

Being a stunt man looks like a dangerous job.

In the future we will be able to control matter with our minds. What this means is that if you are watching TV and get a toothache you could think “Dentist” and a dentist would appear right there to help you. Of course the tools he brings would depend on the size of your room.

Have you ever exercised to an exercise video?